Conflict in the classroom poses a dilemma for teachers
When students learn to communicate constructively across differences as youth, they are much more likely to be constructive communicators as adults.
But when teachers invite students to speak their minds, they worry that doing so may put vulnerable students and ourselves at risk.
As a result, many students report that whenever a conversation comes close to controversy, teachers shut it down, especially minority viewpoints that they fear may offend.
However, routinely avoiding conflict has negative consequences:
- Missed teachable moments
- Students are left to their own devices – fight, flight, or freak out – often online
- Students are left with the disquieting impression that the world is so dangerous that their trusted adults refuse to talk about it
- Students with minority views that they don’t feel they can express at school may seek confirmation from untrustworthy sources and people online
- Avoiding difficult conversations does not protect students; it leaves them without the skills or relationships they need to navigate them
But not all classroom dialogue topics are controversial
The dialogue muscle is built in various contexts in school:
- Advisors leading connecting and empathy building activities
- Art teachers asking whether beauty is universal or color is real
- Humanities teachers asking students to analyze text
- Math and science teachers asking students to solve problems collaboratively
- Coaches and directors asking students to analyze the latest game or performance
- School leaders crowd sourcing for solutions to schoolwide issues
- Student leaders seeking input on ways to promote school spirit
- Anyone posing questions that have multiple right answers or no answers at all
And not all conflict is unproductive
Good conflict is “friction that leads somewhere useful and does not collapse into dehumanization” (Amanda Ripley)
Good conflict fuels learning
Good conflict is more likely when:
- Norms and expectations for a dialogue are clearly set before it begins
- Classrooms and schools intentionally nurture constructive dialogue as a keystone habit of mind and practice
- Students get comfortable being uncomfortable
- Some students are equipped and empowered to lead
When potentially unproductive conflict arises
Many excellent resources exist that detail tools to use in the moment that conflict begins to be unproductive. See descriptions below.
Teachers can develop confidence through practice using the tools with colleagues employing scenarios that worry them
If teachers feel a classroom dialogue is becoming harmful, they always have the option to shut shut it down
When that happens, the teacher should seek counsel and loop back to the conversation as soon as possible
Tools for navigating conflict in classroom dialogue
Navigating High Conflict
(Apapted from book by Amanda Ripley)
High Conflict: A conflict that becomes self-perpetuating and all-consuming, in which almost everyone ends up worse off. Typically an us-versus-them conflict.
Good Conflict: Friction that can be serious and intense but leads somewhere useful. Does not collapse into dehumanization. Also known as healthy conflict.
How to Prevent High Conflict
- Recognize high conflict in the world and in yourself
- Investigate the understory: understand what is really driving the conflict
- Reduce the binary: identify overlap between parties in conflict
- Marginalize the fire starters: create distance from those who are primarily motivated by being in conflict
- Buy time and make space: pause and even step away when conflict is becoming unproductive
- Complicate the narrative: in difficult conflict, simplicity can be blinding. Get curious, investigate contractions, ask questions.
When someone crosses a boundary in conversation
(Adapted from Resetting the Table)
- Ask questions to check your assumptions. Make sure this person is truly expressing unacceptable views before shutting down the conversation. “The term you used can be very harmful to a lot of groups. Can you explain where you’re coming from with that term?”
- Ask about values without legitimizing the belief – That might sound like, “I hear you talking about safety, but the way I’ve heard you talk about it means people like me, or people I care about, will be harmed. That’s really hard for me to hear. Even though it’s difficult for me to ask you, I’m interested to know how you think about that. Would you share more?”
- Shift gears to a writing/thinking moment in the dialogue and try to speak to the “boundary crosser” privately so as not to embarrass put them on the spot..
- Close the conversation – This is last for a reason – make sure you’ve exhausted your options, checked in with your own boundaries, considered the impact on group members, and decided this conversation cannot stay constructive based on what’s been said. You might close by saying “I am concerned that this conversation has crossed over into a place of harm. As the facilitator, it is my job to ensure a conversation stays constructive, and this one is no longer constructive. I think one-on-one conversations might be a better fit at this time, so let’s close for now.”
“Dignity” Phrases – Diffuse contempt when the conversation gets hot
“Can you tell me more about that?”
“Wow. I think just the opposite. Can you tell me how you came to that view?”
“Let’s figure out what we disagree on; it can’t be everything.”
“I want to hear what you think.”
“Can you tell me what I’m not getting?”
“Can you explain that to me?”
“How do you think we fix it?”
“That’s fascinating; I need to think about that.”
“Thanks for talking with me; a lot of folks won’t talk to people they disagree with.”
“If we talk long enough, we’re going to find out we share some values.”
Conflict Navigation Tools
(from the Constructive Dialogue Institute)
- Ask Questions
Questions Like:
“What makes you say that?”
“Why is that important to you?”
“How do you know?”
“Can you say more about what you mean when you say ________?”
“Why do you think that is?”
“Have you always felt that way?”
“Say more about that.”
- Name Values and Feelings
Name Values
What it is: Connecting participant beliefs to Moral Foundations Theory values.
What it sounds like: “It’s clear to me that many of you are concerned about freedom and liberty being upheld on this campus.”
Name Feelings
What it is: Stating what people might be feeling based on your observations.
What it sounds like: “I am hearing that many of you are feeling frustrated. Am I getting that right?”
- Shift Gears
Pause
What it’s good for: Slowing down the conversation so people can think and speak with intention.
What it sounds like: “Since things are getting going pretty fast, I think this is a good time to pause to take a breath.”
Pair and Small Group Work
What it’s good for: Breaking up full group dynamic, inviting new voices, inviting people to speak who are less likely to talk in full group settings.
What it sounds like: “Things are moving pretty fast. Let’s break into pairs and talk about how we’re feeling about this conversation right now.”
Think Then Speak
What it’s good for: Allowing participants with different sharing styles the chance to process what they want to share and prepare to speak.
What it sounds like: “Let’s all pause, think for 1 minute about [prompt]. [after 1 min] I want to invite anyone to share their ideas.”
Go-Round
What it’s good for: Promoting fairness by inviting all voices to speak.
What it sounds like: “This conversation is important and I’d like to invite other voices to weigh in on it. Let’s do a go-round where everyone shares 1 sentence about [prompt].”
Journal Write
What it’s good for: Creating a longer pause; giving each participant a chance to process their thoughts and feeling
What it sounds like: “Let’s take a break from all of the talking. I am sure we all have a lot running through our minds: Please take 5 minutes to write about what’s top of mind for you right now in this dialogue.”
- Confront the Conflict
Behaviors/Impact/Needs (BIN) Framework
What it is: A way to address a word or phrase that triggered misunderstanding or offense, and redirect to a more constructive conversation.
- Behavior: What happened/what was said
- Impact: The impact it had on the speaker
- Needs: What might work better going forward
What it sounds like: “When I heard you say (exact word/phrase), it [had this effect on me]. In the future, I’d prefer if you [say this instead].”
Mention the Intention (Norm)
What it is: Without blame or shame, address the item from the group intentions (norms) list that isn’t being upheld and offer another approach that might work better.
To address the full group: “I am noticing some interrupting, which was something we wanted to avoid in our group intentions. This can be difficult when so many of you have things you’d like to share. As much as possible, I’d like to invite you to keep to the intention we set, which was to ‘speak one at a time’ so that all voices are heard.”
To address an individual: “I’m hearing you say ‘we as women,’ instead of speaking for yourself, which is one of our group intentions. Can you rephrase using an ‘I statement’?”